When They Undermine You, But You Still Have to Co-Parent

Navigating the constant sabotage, staying regulated, and raising Emotionally-balanced children in high-conflict, co-parenting dynamics.

There’s a particular kind of mental load that builds when you’re the only one setting boundaries, and it seems like the other parent exists purely to break them.

You say, “That equipment at the gym isn’t safe, it’s meant for adults. That’s why you hurt yourself. Don’t go on that again, ok?” They say, “They’re fine to use it.”

It’s subtle. But it’s sabotage. Not of your ego, but of your safety, your authority, and your relationship with your child.

And when this starts to happen often, it leaves you in a constant state of tension, not just with your co-parent, but with your own children. Because now, you’re being forced to do the emotional labour of parenting through someone else’s recklessness.

“It’s like I’m always the killjoy… while they get to be the fun one. I’m always left mopping up the mess that they create”

I hear this all the time from the women I work with on my Strategy Calls & inside the Academy. It’s not that you want to be the strict one. It’s that you’re being forced into that role because the other adult is acting like a child.

They aren’t undermining you by accident. They’re doing it to feel powerful. To make you feel like you're inferior to them. To chip away at you because they know they’re pushing your buttons, and they don’t care. They even enjoy it! It’s not co-parenting. It’s covert control.

Here’s what this actually does to your child:

• It creates conflicting messages that leave them feeling disregulated.

• It puts them in the middle and forces them to choose which parent to please.

• It encourages boundary testing, manipulation, and confusion.

• It teaches them that safety is negotiable if the “fun” option is available.

So no, you’re not just being “Overprotective or Pedantic.” You’re trying to raise emotionally secure, physically safe, respected children in an environment where someone else keeps turning parenting into a performance for others.

How do you stay steady when they keep pulling the rug from underneath you?

You start parenting for long-term emotional safety.

Here’s what that looks like:

1. You regulate yourself first.

2. You stop arguing with the narrative.

3. You switch from co-parenting to parallel parenting.

4. You use grounded language.

5. You surround yourself with support from people that get it,

Example:“That equipment isn’t safe, and I’m not comfortable with you using it. When you're with me, I’ll always prioritise your safety, even when it’s inconvenient.”

It teaches them that boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about protection.

Want support that helps in the moment?

💬 The SHUT IT DOWN Digital Card Deck gives you ready-made replies when you're caught off guard and put on the spot by blatant undermining.

🧠 The Single Mama Academy helps you rebuild confidence, scripts, and calm leadership, even under pressure

Want to learn how to Narc-Proof your Parenting? Get your ticket for my new Masterclass, Narc-Proofed Parenting on June 25th 2025 HERE!

🛍 Browse the Amazon Storefront for tools that support regulation, routine, and resilience

You’re not the controlling one. You’re the consistent one. You’re not the problem. You’re the safe parent in a system designed to make you look like the threat.

Let them perform. Let them undermine. You? You stay steady. Be unshakeable.

Because emotional safety doesn’t come from who’s the loudest. It comes from who’s still standing when the dust settles.